My name is Austin Dallas. I live in Texas. My parents named me after a city, after our last name already had a city name in it. Now, I live in Dallas. I wrote some stories about the best hookups and the worst hookups in my life. Read some of them in my blog. I wrote a book. It is called Whiskey Soaked Panties. Unfortunately it is not out yet. Sign up if you want me to let you know when it's out and when I make a new post to the blog. Below are some teasers to the stories in my blog and some random things that pop in my head. If you enjoy them then you will love my book.
Where should you start reading? --> The Girls that End in "E".
The Flip Side Bar
0 comments | Read the full post
Siri Knows Best
0 comments | Read the full post
99 Words for Boobs
0 comments | Read the full post
Bigger boobs in 5 minutes a day
0 comments | Read the full post
My Balls by Your Favorite Martian
0 comments | Read the full post
Happy New Year
0 comments | Read the full post
Wrong Hole Song
I laughed hard enough to tear up a bit from this little ditty I found on College Humor.
0 comments | Read the full post
Celebrity Christmas Cards
Ever wonder what goofy Christmas cards celebrities might send?
This is a compilation of what some of them might look like.
0 comments | Read the full post
Twelve Days of Austin's Christmas
On the First day of Christmas this hook-up gave to me…
0 comments | Read the full post
The new lord of the dance, Diego Rodrigues to Pa panamericano (funny video)
When this guy dances, people run and may jump into the nearest lake.
0 comments | Read the full post
Turkey Trots (Thanksgiving Jokes)
What kind of sex are you supposed to have on Thanksgiving?
0 comments | Read the full post
Robbie
Robin and I were involved in a very casual relationship for a short term. It was one of those end of summer fun times that falls apart before the holidays when some relationships tend to get a little more serious. We were friends before we got involved and she knew not to expect much from me in the emotions department. We had a good time and we enjoyed fooling around, but I think we both knew it was never going to go anywhere. I think she wanted a little more than I was willing to give at the time, but she never pressured anything. It was good most of the time, but there was one episode in our time together…
0 comments | Read the full post
Helen (Restaurant Review)
I have always thought Greek women were sexy. When I lived in Plano on a short stint, a few years ago, there were always olive skinned, well endowed, beautiful girls working at the restaurants up there. I fell for a different waitress or bartender almost every time I went out for dinner.
0 comments | Read the full post
Restaurant Review: SMOKE (WARNING: Actual review, not humorous)
I want to offer my fans more than my traditional hook up stories so I decided to also start posting restaurant reviews. We will see how it goes, but I am going to try at least one new place every week, maybe every two weeks and post about my experience at various restaurants.
0 comments | Read the full post
Panties, Panties, Panties
In honor of today being National Sandwich Day, I decided to write a story a friend once told me regarding my favorite sandwich topping...(See title).
0 comments | Read the full post
Allie
Halloween is such a great holiday. Even the girls who normally dress conservatively, end up wearing revealing costumes. After a few years of adult Halloweens the slutty costumes start to add up into a collection. I was “dating” this girl a few years ago that loved to play dress up before getting it on. She had all kinds of outfits: cheerleader, mistress, cop, little bo peep, devil, angel, kitty and a referee. Then one day she pulled out a new one on me.
3 comments | Read the full post
Surgery Joke
A woman goes in for colon surgery and has to keep putting gauze on her wound post-operation. Her husband is taking care of her and keeps getting glimpses of her nether regions which still manages to turn him on. He inquires as to whether they can fool around. She turns to him and says.
0 comments | Read the full post
Austin's Quotes
After an argument with a dumbass:
"If stupidity was currency, you would be Bill Gates."
8 comments | Read the full post
Rock Out Rhymes
For the boys:
Blast out with your Mast out
Bling out with your Thing out
Mex out with your Tex out
Roll out with your Pole out
0 comments | Read the full post
Sandy
Fair day is by far one of my favorite days to live in Dallas. My friends and I always go on the Saturday of Texas OU weekend. Most of us went to Texas A&M, but we do have a bunch of friends who went to U.T. The fair is super busy on that day, but it thins out just right when the game is going on. We walk around, see the car show, sample the various fair fare, try to avoid getting hustled into buying another set of Sham-Wows. Most of the time is some sort of fried goodness covered in whipped cream and/or chocolate sauce that at least one person has to try. I found my favorite years ago, fried cheesecake, so I usually stick with that. I will try something new on occasion. Someone bought the fried margarita to try out. Soggy batter in sweet & sour mix, mmm mmm not good.
0 comments | Read the full post
Austin's Books of the Week
Leaving It In My Beaver
The Untold Stories of Barbara Billingsley
I Touched Twiggy in His Special Place
The Never Before Released Sexual Escapades of Gil Gerard ("Buck Naked" Rogers)
Lady of The Night Court
Markie Post's True Life Battle With Prostitution
Silver Spoons Weren't The First Thing Inside Me
Ricky Shroder's Battle With Child Abuse
Spanked In The Bell Tower
Dennis Haskins Speaks Out About His Secret Relationship With Dustin Diamond
Miami Thrice
Don Johnson and his Obsession With Threesomes
Who's Really The Boss?
S & M Techniques from Katherine Helmond and Judith Light
Who's The Boss Now?
The Danny Pintauro Kidnappings
0 comments | Read the full post
Courtney
I finish up work early today and decide to meet up with a couple friends for a few happy hour beers. We talked a lot about digital marketing and I got called out a few times by Jennifer(Brad’s wife) for checking out the waitress. I could not help myself. I love women and I have such a thing for nose rings. Obviously not the bull hook through the middle, but a diamond stud in the side gets me every single time.
0 comments | Read the full post
Austin's First Date Icebreakers (WARNING: Real advice, not humorous)
Favorite Movie of all time?
1 comments | Read the full post
My Perfect Woman
If i was asked to describe the perfect woman she would probably look something like this...
- The Flip Side Bar
- Siri Knows Best
- 99 Words for Boobs
- Bigger boobs in 5 minutes a day
- My Balls by Your Favorite Martian
- Happy New Year
- Wrong Hole Song
- Celebrity Christmas Cards
- Twelve Days of Austin's Christmas
- The new lord of the dance, Diego Rodrigues to Pa panamericano (funny video)
- Turkey Trots (Thanksgiving Jokes)
- Robbie
- Helen (Restaurant Review)
- Restaurant Review: SMOKE
- Panties, Panties, Panties
- Allie
- Surgery Joke
- Austin's Quotes
- Rock Out Rhymes
- Sandy
- Austin's Books of the Week
- Courtney
- Austin's First Date Icebreakers
- My Perfect Woman
